Rejection

I’ve never been good at handling rejection. I don’t know that anyone ever gets used to it, but for me, it’s not even just about getting used to it. It’s about accepting it. Not obsessing over it. But I do.

There have been a couple of significant rejections lately that have been plaguing me. One is for a job. I was head hunted, interviewed for a job that I thought would be perfect for me and that I would be perfect for. In spite of being sought out by the CEO and interviewing with her, I received a generic “thanks, but no thanks” email.

The second was from my counselor. This one I understand a little more, though I’m still not happy about it. After about five sessions, she said I need Al-Anon and couples counseling. She then sent me on my way without any sort of commitment to follow up and see how I’m doing. I get this more because I knew this was limited to six sessions, and I knew I hadn’t been following what she had asked me to do. But I still walked out of her little office feeling rejected. Didn’t I have one more session left?

Neither are big deals. This wasn’t a dream job that I chased and it wasn’t like I had high expectations for counseling. And still they get to me. Still they bother me. They bother me in the same way that every rejection has ever bothered me.

It isn’t clear to me yet how this contributes to my overall health or what it means to my mental state. I just know that any time I’ve been rejected by a guy, a potential employer, or a friend, it’s never left me. I carry that with me everywhere I go, and I don’t know what to do with it. All I know is that every rejection makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I try so hard to be the best person I can be, that to walk around feeling like there’s still so much wrong with me… I haven’t figured out what to do with that yet.

In the meantime: onward.

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