26 Days Later

It’s rare that I choose a fitness program and follow it day-for-day. I like to do my own fitness routines, do what I feel like doing. Use the variety of workout equipment I have at my disposal.

But I started the new 80 Day Obsession routine on Beachbody On Demand. Every morning during the work week, my alarm goes off at 4:30. I take in some caffeine, relax for about 15 minutes, and at 4:45, I get up, put in my contacts, pull on my workout clothes, and wander into my cold garage for whatever workout is next in line in the program. While the weekends are a little less consistent – still working out in the morning, but not quite so early – I’ve been in it every single day. On rest days, I watch the Weekly Obsession video while stretching or foam rolling. Today was workout day number 26 – cardio flow – and it kicked my ass, but dammit, I never slowed down.

This is the most consistent I’ve been with my workout routine, and largely, my nutrition. While I still have a lot to work on, I’ve made huge strides in my eating habits.

By the end of today’s workout, I was crying. Not because I was miserable, but because I did it. I’ve been feeling so shitty, and still drinking too much. So this morning, after a rough night, to get up and force myself out to the garage for today’s workout, push through it, and notice big improvements from week one…

I was so relieved and so proud. Not gonna lie, there’s some hormones brewing in there, too. But as the workout blended into the next Weekly Obsession episode and the cast are talking about their challenges and the strides they’ve taken, the tears started to fall. Nothing dramatic, just silent little tears.

Because even then, it was clear to me that the changes I’m going through aren’t just physical. It occurred to me that I’m consistently doing things that are good for me, in spite of my setbacks. When I gained back weight that I’d lost, I didn’t give up. I didn’t punish myself. I didn’t let the dark cloud of negativity settle over me. I told myself that today is a new day, and I tried again.

I’m not where I want to be yet. I struggle with the negative thoughts in my head every day. I struggle with feelings of hopelessness and unhappiness. I constantly ask myself- what’s the fucking point? I’ll be honest, that happens more often than I’d like for it it.

The whole thing is a process, and I’m working through it as best I can. I have a pretty good handle on the things that are within my control. It’s the things that are outside of my control that I’m struggling with. The way important people in my life are behaving. There’s still so much negativity that I’m battling. I’m getting stronger and better at dealing with that negativity, but it’s still a significant challenge for me.

The journey isn’t over. Tomorrow I stretch, rest, and foam roll, and on Monday I kick off a whole new phase. I’ve got four solid weeks plus three somewhat solid weeks behind me, and the progress I’ve made in that time is something to be proud of. But I’m eager and ready to keep going. Because I know that I still have big gains ahead, and I’m excited to show myself just how strong I really am.